Holding on to Reason

How to Lead Someone to Christ (Part 1 of 4)

Transcribed from Sermons by Bruce Peterson at Grace Chapel in Scottsbluff, NE. The video of this sermon can be found by clicking this link.

For a printable list of the primary verses to use when sharing the Gospel via this method, click on this link.

How do I end up going to Heaven when I die?

I’ve had the privilege—not bragging at all it’s just in a lot of ways a career choice—but I’ve had the privilege of leading hundreds and hundreds of people to Christ and I’ll tell you this right now, it is profoundly easy. It’s not quick, it’s usually a two and half hour or longer conversation because the Gospel is not something you just say it’s not a “repeat after me” prayer. No one is going to Heaven by just doing a repeat after me prayer.


When I was in Chicago at Sally’s and mine first apartment we had a landlord whose nephew went to a Christian college and he was on the football team. That football team would go to Europe during the summer and do scrimmages and show other colleges football and then they would bring that team or the other sports team onto the field and lead them into a repeat after me prayer and they would come back to the states and report on how many people got saved. And I asked if they understood English and they’d say, “Oh no they don’t understand English.” I’m like, “Wait a minute, you honestly think that repeating the words in a language you don’t know gets people saved?”

The Gospel is not a magic trick. It’s truth. There is a real problem and there’s a real solution and getting saved is recognizing the problem and choosing the solution. You choose it. To choose it you have to understand it.
— Bruce Peterson

That’s ridiculous on so many levels, God is not a magician, the Gospel is not a magic trick. It’s truth. There is a real problem and there’s a real solution and getting saved is recognizing the problem and choosing the solution. You choose it. To choose it you have to understand it. As you talk to anyone the goal is to have a conversation that they understand.

If you look at how the people in the Bible share the Gospel--If you look at Paul in the book of Romans: he is writing to a church he’s never been to and he says, “I am going to tell you the Gospel.” And he starts by saying, “The Gospel is the power of God to save,” and then he takes three chapters and proves everyone in the world guilty, he condemns everyone first.

You first have to see the problem before you want the solution. No one ever, in anything in life, goes for a solution unless they see the problem. The problem has to be heavy. So when you are explaining the Gospel to people, you have to spend a significant amount of time crushing them.


I tell you this, truly before the Gospel got a grip on my soul, I was making a terrible mess of my life. I was destroying people in my path. I was destroying my own soul, stealing everything I could, and smoking everything that could be smoked. It was bad. I was dying and I was taking the world with me. Then the Gospel took me from the grave to be a mouthpiece for God.

What the Gospel can do is profound. And we don’t have the right to look at people and go, “Oh they won’t like the Gospel. I can’t explain it to them, they won’t accept it, they won’t believe it, they won’t appreciate it, they don’t want to be free from their life. They love their life.” Not true, we are all looking for something deep and meaningful that gives purpose and joy and meaning and a destiny for our lives, something bigger than ourselves that we can get involved in. Everyone you know wants the Gospel. You just may not know how to teach it to them.

They want freedom. They want meaning and purpose. They want to wake up and know what life's about. They do, they want it, they want it bad. You want it bad, you all do.

This sermon series is about how we share the Gospel. It’s huge, it’s monumental. So, I hope you take this series to heart.

Alright, so we're gonna read Revelation and I'm going to explain to you why we need the Gospel.

Revelation 20:11-15 (NIV)

Then I saw a great white throne and him who was seated on it. The earth and the heavens fled from his presence, and there was no place for them. And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books. The sea gave up the dead that were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them, and each person was judged according to what they had done. Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. The lake of fire is the second death. Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire.

These verses take place at the end of the Millennium. At the end of time.

There are four ages of humanity, four ways God has “ringed” out of this Earth as many people as he can for salvation—so his kingdom is as big as possible.

  1. He first used his reputation, until his reputation could save no more.

  2. Then he shifted to Abraham, to using the Jewish Nation as his means of communicating who he is to the world. Through the Old Testament we see tons of people get saved—mostly Gentiles, by the way. The Jews seem to be a bit rebellious but the Gentiles seem to come right along.

  3. At the end of the Old Testament his Nation is done and he shifts to his People. That's us, the “Church Age”, some from every nation. He spread his Nation out into individual people, so now we are the people of God. He's using the church to save as many as he can through our age.

  4. Next, he will shift to his King—Jesus. And Jesus will reign on the earth, God himself, for as long as people are being saved. And that too will have a timeline, it will have an expiration date.

People will eventually choose against the Kingship of Jesus. You can't go higher than God ruling on Earth. So, then it's all over, and we have this scene from Revelation. This is when the time is up.43

Then I saw a great white throne and him who was seated on it. The earth and the heavens fled from his presence, and there was no place for them.

There’s no place for them because we're having a giant “start over”.

And I saw the dead, great and small,

Who's dead at this point? Everybody, everyone's dead. We’re all dead.

standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life.

This is a very important verse. The books were opened and another book was opened. We have a pile of plural books and a separate single book. Keep that picture in your mind: a pile of books, and a separate single Book of Life.

The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books.

Scary.

The sea gave up the dead that were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them, and each person was judged according to what they had done. Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. The lake of fire is the second death. Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire.

And here’s the giant problem: there are books that are being kept on every single thing you think, say, and do, and you will answer for every single thing.

There’s also a book of names, the Book of Life, and it only has names. Here’s the good news: you either have a pile of books or you have a name in the Book of Life, you don’t have both.
— Bruce Peterson

Okay, that's why we’ve got to talk about—the Gospel. This is the scene. Everyone stands before God someday, everyone, all the dead, no one escapes, every single person. And here's the giant problem: there are books that are being kept on every single thing you think, say, and do, and you will answer for every single thing.

There's also a book of names, the Book of Life, and it only has names. Here's the good news: you either have a pile of books or you have a name in the Book of Life, you don't have both.

The question is, how in the world do we get our name in the Book of Life and get our pile of books which have recorded everything we’ve done, wiped out?

This is what you need to explain to people. So, I'm going to teach you how to.


Revelations wraps everything up. Everyone stands before God. God has rung everyone out of the earth who can get into the Book of Life and now it's time to go into eternity.

We see in Revelations chapters 21 and 22 that Death is no more.

Those who have their name in The Book of Life enter into Heaven and Paradise. That's how the whole thing wraps up: We all get our day in court and that's going to be a terrible day, for all of us, including Believers. Because, the verse that says God wipes all tears from their eyes and there's no more sadness, is after the Great White Throne Judgment. It is not when you die and go to Heaven, that's not when your grief ends. Even God has said that on the day of judgment we will see people we love and did not talk to about the Gospel and they will be damned and we will not just be sad, we will be wrecked over our silence. That should wreck you; that should wreck you right now.

It is after that when God wipes away all our tears.


Okay, let's explain the Gospel. Fair warning, this sermon only ends on the negative, there's no good news today, because when you're explaining the Gospel to somebody you have to wreck them. I'm going to try to show you how I try to do that.

This is exactly how it sounds when I talk to people about the Gospel. It takes at least two and a half hours. I can't get it done in less than that and I typically record our conversation when I witness to people. Then when they get saved I can give them a recording of their own salvation and they love it. It's pretty meaningful and it's a good tool because then I also have those, and you could actually listen to me explain the Gospel to someone, but it sounds exactly like this sermon.

Usually when I’m talking to someone I personalize it, but this will be an overview.

So, you start with the problem.

If you think of Jesus’s life as the Gospel message, it starts with the Sermon on the Mount. Everyone is crushed in the Sermon on the Mount. And it ends with his death and resurrection. That's the sermon of Jesus.

If you think of Paul, you would start in Romans 1 where it wrecks everyone, and then go to chapter 3 verse 21 where it talks about righteousness as a gift from God. But he doesn’t start with that because everyone would be confused.

You have to take your time with people to explain it and you don’t have to do it all in one setting. And you don’t give the answer--that Jesus is the solution--until they ask.

If you spend long enough just crushing people, they will eventually say, “Okay, what’s the solution to this?”

When they ask, they are ready, but don't give them the answer before they ask or they won’t truly hear it. It won’t make sense. Don't give the answer first, start with the problem, they have to understand the problem before they will care about the answer.

Here's the problem: God says we need to be holy. Be holy.

Most people in the world are going to say, “Yeah, I'm pretty good.”

Most people you talk to are starting from a place where they think that they’re in the top half of humanity as far as goodness and that this is good enough. You have to wreck that mentality, because God wrecks it. He says we have to be holy.
— Bruce Peterson

That is their starting place. They're going to think one of two things: “Yeah, I’m probably going to Heaven when I die.” Or, “Well, I’m not bad enough to go to Hell. Not that bad. I don’t deserve Hell.”

Those are really the same thing. Most people you talk to are starting from a place where they think that they're in the top half of humanity as far as goodness and that this is good enough. You have to wreck that mentality, because God wrecks it. He says we have to be holy.

Hebrews 12: 14-15 (NIV)

“Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”

“Be holy, without holiness no one will see the Lord.” Holiness. That's the standard if you want to see God. What do you have to be? Holy.

Okay, that's rough.

1 Peter 1:14-16 (NIV)

“As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “‘Be holy, because I am holy.’”

Who is saying this? God. How holy should you be? Holy like God. There’s the problem.

Paul points out this problem plainly in Chapter 3 of Romans; this is his concluding thought at the end of his argument where he is crushing people:

Romans 3:9-20 (NIV)

What shall we conclude then? Do we have any advantage? Not at all! For we have already made the charge that Jews and Gentiles alike are all under the power of sin. As it is written:

“There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.”

“Their throats are open graves; their tongues practice deceit.”

“The poison of vipers is on their lips.”

“Their mouths are full of cursing and bitterness.”

“Their feet are swift to shed blood; ruin and misery mark their ways, and the way of peace they do not know.”

“There is no fear of God before their eyes.”

Now we know that whatever the law says, it says to those who are under the law, so that every mouth may be silenced and the whole world held accountable to God. Therefore no one will be declared righteous in God’s sight by the works of the law; rather, through the law we become conscious of our sin.

Here’s a summary of these verses: Paul says, “Here’s what I’ve just done, I’ve made a charge that the Jews and the Gentiles alike are all under the power of sin, as it is written.”

Now Paul’s just going to quote all over the Biblical text, “There’s no one who’s righteous. There’s not even one.”

So, the person sitting across from you is not righteous. They might think they are, so what are you going to do? You’re going to do some work, you’re going to walk them through their life to see if they are really righteous.

“There's no one righteous…there's no one who understands…”

What's your goal? To help them understand. What do they have to understand? That they're not righteous.

That's the start of the Gospel. Paul starts his argument by proclaiming that everyone falls short of God’s requirement. No one is holy. He does all of this before he gets to the good news. Don’t waste your time explaining Jesus until you have helped them understand that they have a problem which they can’t solve. It’s right there in the text.

Therefore no one

How many people? …no one

will be declared righteous.

Righteous means “good enough” in God’s sight by the works of the law. Which means by what you do. How many people are going to Heaven because of how good they are? Nobody.

Everyone you know who thinks they are good enough to go to Heaven, is not going. And at the Great White Throne Judgement you will see them and they will see you and that’s going to be a horrible “day”. And it’s not a “day” like 24-hours, it’s a very long time. Everyone gets their day in court.

…rather, through the law we become conscious of our sin.

Why did God give us the rules? So we would know we need a savior.
— Bruce Peterson

Why did God give us the rules? So we would know we need a savior.

What do we tend to do as humans? We look at the rules and we declare ourselves good enough. And doing this will destroy many many people whom we love. And that is somewhat on us, because it is our job to tell them the truth.

Hebrews 4:12-13 (NIV)

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

You are not getting away with anything. We are all sinners.

People don't like that phrase, that “we are all sinners”. What is sin? It's missing the bullseye; it's missing the mark. What is the bullseye? Holiness. And how many times have you hit the bullseye? Zero. How many times has anyone hit the bullseye? Zero. How many times do you have to hit the bullseye to be holy? Every single time. Every time, in every relationship, in every situation, in every thought and attitude. What is missing the mark? What is sin? Not having the same thoughts, words, and deeds that Jesus, himself, would have in every single situation.

We are all wrecked.

Now you’ve got to talk about it,. You’ve got to talk about it a little bit; you’ve got to make it real.


So, I almost always bring up stuff like this illustration—I have the privilege of doing counseling, so I get to say this to people:

People will say this, “Listen, I don't deserve to go to Hell because I'm not…” and they will list some of the sins that they think people should go to Hell for, “…I'm not Hitler. I'm not a murderer. I'm not a serial rapist. I'm not…” You know, whatever the list is that they'll have.

So, I say to them stuff like this:

You know what, I get to counsel people sometimes, and here's what I'll tell you from my experience: In a marriage where someone commits one of the big sins in marriage, infidelity—where someone cheats on the other one—I'll give you tons of examples of people who have committed adultery in their relationship and that relationship not only survives it, but it's better afterwards.

Now to be clear, it's not the infidelity that makes the marriage better. Infidelity is a huge problem. But, it's the work that gets done in the relationship to recover from the infidelity which can actually make that relationship a better relationship than it was to begin with. This is pretty regular.

But, with a marriage which is just about to break, when it's on its last—literally—its last leg, one person has just been talked into going to counseling and they don't even want to be there—when it's that desperate, it's usually not a big offense. It's little ones; it's a million little cuts. It's every single day of their whole relationship someone is ignored. The other person always, every day, throws them under the bus. When it comes to decisions, one of them never considers what the other might want. They don’t share their values; they don’t share their views. They never talk to them. They never appreciate them. They never love them. They always speak down to them. When they are having a conversation, they are always throwing the other one under the bus. They use their name as a byword and a curse word and a joke. They are nothing to them. They’ve never appreciated them a single day of their life. One person is just trashed every moment of the entire relationship.

Recovering that relationship…that is almost impossible.

The pattern is so deep, it's so deep, and the wounds are so deep. The distance between them is so vast. One of them has just never ever been appreciated by the other one. That marriage is rough.

And I only say that to you to say, listen, if perhaps only one time in your life you bowed down to an idol…God might even go, “Okay, one time you had one big miss…” And maybe he could move past that.

But, here's the facts according to Paul, according to God…let’s just look at your life…how often do you think about God?

No, seriously, how often do you think about him? How often do you consider God first before you make a decision in your life? He wrote you a letter, how much of it have you read? How often do you read it? How often do you pray? How often are you building your life on God?

He says, “No one seeks me.” How hard are you seeking Him? Seriously, tell me how much time per day do you seek Him? When was the last time you went to church? When's the last time you actually sacrificed a significant part of your life for the plan of God? When you considered your retirement, when you considered your job, when you considered your career choice, when you considered anything important in your life, how often did you first ask, is this what God wants for me? The truth is, you don't do it, ever.

Here's the truth, anytime you've decided to do something, if God would have stopped you in that moment and said, “Listen, I don't want you to do this.” You would instinctively and instantly say, “I don't care what you want, this is what I want, and this is what I'm going to do.” You do it every single day.

If He was literally following you around, there would be moments in the day where you are about to think or say something, and if he stopped you, just like he stopped Cain, and said to Cain, “Listen, don't do it. Sin is crouching at your door, it's going to get you.”

You would say, “I don't care; I'm going to look at the porn. I don't care; I'm going to watch that woman walk away and I'm going to imagine what her butt looks like naked. I'm going to imagine myself winning a billion dollars and I'm going to imagine myself naked on a beach somewhere drunk. I'm just gonna imagine myself with someone else every time I go home. I'm going to put a different face on my spouse every time. I'm just not gonna care. I don't care if I use bad language. I don't care what jokes you don’t want me to tell. I don't care what jokes you don’t want me to laugh at. I don't care.”

Everyone does this and we do it all day every day. Every day. Every day. Every day. Every single day, we throw God under the bus. We use his name as a curse word all the time. And then we want to say to God, “Oh, but I'm a pretty good person and you should love me unconditionally and just let me into your family and be happy I'm here.”

It's ridiculous! Absolutely, utterly, ridiculous! To have the audacity to call ourselves good, is to have the foolish thought that we are graded on a bell curve and we are all in an underperforming school where someone has to pass the class, so, no one does the homework, but someone has to pass. I think I'm going to get a B in this class. I'm not even gonna have to try. I just have to try a little harder than that guy.

I want to know. Seriously, you take a minute now and just try to convince me…you’re not convincing God right now, just go ahead and try to convince me that you're a good person and really should deserve to go to Heaven. I'd love to hear it.

Let me have your spouse in the room when you tell me these things, because I'd love to see their reaction to how you are good enough to go to Heaven.

Listen, God says there is an angel in Heaven watching your life who knows your attitudes and he's writing them down, every one of them. And you are going to be held accountable to them.

Isaiah 64:6 (NIV)

All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away.

In the Bible “unclean” means unacceptable. How many of us are unacceptable? All of us, and all of our righteous acts are like menstrual rags to God.

Yep that's what it says, your cleaned up American version of the Bible will say “filthy rags” or something like that, but the Hebrews had to read what God said and He calls your “good” deeds menstrual rags.


This is how it goes in marriage counseling:

This person’s spouse is trying to explain to them how they feel totally totally ignored and this person over here says something like, “How can you feel that way? I took the garbage out just yesterday?”

And what does this other person feel about that? Is that good?

What we think of as good is just Baseline Behavior. It’s what is expected...That’s not being good, that’s your job.
— Bruce Peterson

See, here's the thing, this is why this is so important, because what we think of as good is just Baseline Behavior. It’s what is expected. That’s the shocking thing that you have to get across. That’s not being good, that’s your job. It’s your job to love them. That is your one job--to love. You can’t point to moments where you loved, even if it’s big, you can’t point to it as good. It’s the Baseline.

The expectation in marriage is to love each other more than your own life. That’s what you promised at the wedding. The other person is the most important. And you’re down here wanting credit for things that aren’t even reaching halfway to that expectation?

Here's what's happening, you take out the garbage and then you hold it over my head like, “Look what I did?” That's not good, that's actually bad! It’s filthy rags to them; that's not love!

And that's the game we play with God. It's the game I'm afraid you're playing with God. I think you think you're good and I'm telling you you're wrecked.


Right here's where I'll kind of shift and go into just numbers.

I'll say, “Listen, now that you've kind of got this idea of humanity’s lack of holiness, how many times a day do you think you don't hit the bullseye?”

Even if you have a thought about doing something bad, you are guilty of it. Or if you have the wrong attitude—attitudes are important too.

Now, I'll spend a little time on attitudes.

Picture a racist, picture Hitler in a room with all the people he loves. In that moment he's not actively being racist he loves everyone in that room. Does he, in that moment, cease to be a racist? No. Is he less guilty at that moment than at any other moment? No, he's not off the hook.

Here's why that's important, because we are all greedy. I don't care if that, at this moment, you're putting something into the offering plate. I don't care if you just gave the homeless guy at Walmart 20 bucks. That's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is you're never ever any single moment of your life off the hook for being greedy. After all, you only gave him 20 bucks.


Then I'll go to what Jesus said when he was asked what's the most important Commandment (Matthew 22:36-40).

He said it was to love God with all your heart, soul, and mind. To love God with everything you are, with all of your passions--your heart--and your soul, and your thoughts. So, with your passions, your attitudes, and every thought, love God.

Then he said the second one is very much like the first one. It's to love your neighbor as yourself.

Then, of course, Jesus’ audience asked Him, “Well, who’s my neighbor?”

Jesus answered with a story (The Good Samaritan—Luke 10:25-37) and the point of that story is that everyone is your neighbor, including your enemies. As you get a handle on loving God with everything you are, then you are supposed to love everyone else with everything you are.

I'd love to hear the story of the day that proves you love God more than anything else in this world and I would love one example, just one example, one in your whole life, one single example where you have truly loved your enemy as much as you love yourself. Because I tell you this, when I tell you my kid has cancer you will not pray for him nearly as much as you'll pray for your own kid, and you love me, but you don't even love me as much as you love yourself. And I'll tell you this, if your spouse gets cancer you won't even pray for them as much as you'll pray for yourself when you get cancer, because you suck at loving.

If I'm wrong I'm all ears. Tell me how good you are, convince me, tell me. But, I'm not the audience, I'm going to be in the audience, but you're going to explain it to God in front of everyone, including the people that you claim to love, and they'll be called as Witnesses. It seems to me that you are in for a world of hurt.


And let me explain the consequences to you:

Revelation 20:11-15 (NIV)

Then I saw a great white throne and him who was seated on it. The earth and the heavens fled from his presence, and there was no place for them. And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books. The sea gave up the dead that were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them, and each person was judged according to what they had done. Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. The lake of fire is the second death. Anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire.

David Howard Hitchcock's oil painting 'Halemaumau, Lake of Fire', 1888

You have an angel who is gauging every attitude and thought you have and you're going to stand before God and the consequences are terrible. Anyone whose name is not found written in the Book of Life is thrown into the Lake of Fire.

If you get your name in The Book of Life, none of this is in your future.
— Bruce Peterson

I don't want that for you. I love you. I want you to know that right in this passage where God puts this warning He holds out an amazing possibility for you, even now. He gives you the chance to get your name in the Book of Life, because if you get your name in The Book of Life, none of this is in your future.

What will the person you're evangelizing to do at this moment? If you've taken your time and done it well, they will go, “How do I do that?”

Now they are ready for the good news.


Take your time with this first part, their eternity is at stake.

If you aren't saved, your eternity is at stake. I hope you felt wrecked today.

Take your time; this was a half hour, but I take way longer to explain the Gospel to people in real life.

I make it personal. I make it hurt. Sometimes there's tears. Just go slowly. You're not in a hurry. The only thing that cuts it off is their death. Take your time, make them want the solution. Until you sense that asking for the solution is on their lips, stay on this subject.



This series of blog posts titled, “Holding on to Reason”, is named after Amanda’s favorite C.S. Lewis quote: “Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods.”

Click here for more things written or transcribed by Amanda Hovseth.

Relationship Green Flags

Who you choose to marry, to face life with, is one of the most important decisions you will ever make. (The only thing which is definitely more important is choosing to accept Jesus’ payment on the cross for your sins—click this link for more info.)

June 20th, 2023 was the anniversary of my first date with my husband. Which means, as of June 20th, 2023, I had known my husband for one year.

It blows my mind thinking that he has only been in my life for a little over a year. He came along and turned out to be even more than I dared to hope for. I hadn’t even realized how low my bar had gotten until I met Dakota, and he showed me everything I’d been missing.

For example, there are times I thank Dakota for different things he does for me and his response is, “Amanda, that’s just the baseline of how people should treat each other.” And, I’m like, “I know, but the guys I’ve dated before have never done that, so I’m grateful for you.”

So, in honor of a year with a man who treats me better than I ever dreamed, here is a list of relationship green flags (in no particular order) for all of you still out there searching.

It’s important to note that we are all human and, chances are, no one is going to have mastered all of these green flags; however, the more green flags the better. And the key is to be with someone who desires to constantly work on improving themselves with you and who has these green flags as a goal.

They take responsibility for themselves.

Bottlecap Guru (Etsy)

Which means they recognize that there are things in life we can’t control, but we can control our own reactions and actions and we only have ourselves to blame if we choose poorly.

“I am who I am today because of the choices I made yesterday.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

No matter the cards life has dealt them, they work through their trials and struggles and keep trying to better themselves.

They don’t dwell in their misfortune and misery. A person who constantly acts like the world owes them, will never be able to build a life with you because they aren’t interested in building their own. They are only interested in taking from others. They will eventually even turn that “you owe me” attitude on you, and nothing you do will ever be enough.

“You are the only human in charge of your destiny. Unfair things may happen to you, unfortunate times may come to you, but you always get to choose how you respond. You can live in frustration and bitterness, or you can be the bigger person and just play the heck out of the cards you are dealt. The truth is that not a single person can choose the cards they receive, but everyone chooses how they play their cards.” -Nikki Banas

They support your personal growth.

Some people hate to see others grow because they are afraid they will be left behind.

“For so long I wanted you to hold me…until I realized how small you needed me to be to fit within your grasp.” -wild spirit, soft heart / butterflies rising

In a strong relationship, both parties should be working on growing and helping each other grow. Don’t hitch your life to someone who will selfishly hold you back instead of supporting you as you move forward.

“A great spouse loves you exactly as you are. An extraordinary spouse helps you grow; inspires you to be, do, and give your very best.” -Fawn Weaver

They are self-reflective.

They pay attention to their emotions and actions and if they ever behave in a negative way, they do the work of looking inward to discover why they acted that way and what they can do to prevent it from happening again.

“It takes a lot of courage, humility, and self-awareness to look at ourselves closely and with honesty.” -Todd Davis

They are honest about their mistakes.

And with that honesty comes a sincere apology. They face the damage they’ve caused head on in order to work on fixing it.

“It is one thing to make a mistake, and quite another thing not to admit it. People will forgive mistakes, because mistakes are usually of the mind, mistakes of judgement. But people will not easily forgive the mistakes of the heart, the ill intention, the bad motives, the prideful justifying cover-up of the first mistake.” -Stephen Covey

They have long-standing friendships.

If a person can’t even manage to have a healthy friendship, there is no way they can manage a healthy relationship with a significant other. Good long-standing friendships show that they know how to manage the “the gives and takes” of a relationship and how to put others before themselves. Also, one person can’t be everything to another person, a significant other should be the priority, but no one can hold up the weight of being another person’s “everything”.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” -Proverbs 27:17 (NIV)

@Julia Swartz

If they have strong relationships with friends and family, it also proves that they know the value of good relationships and then there is a better chance of them valuing their relationships with you and your potential future kids as well.



“Everything of value that we will know in this life comes from our relationships with those around us. Because there is nothing material that measures against the intangibles of love and friendship.” -R.A. Salvatore

Likewise, they encourage your connections with loving friends and family.

The more people you have loving you and looking out for you in life, the better. A significant other who truly loves you will want you to have a large and strong support system. If a significant other is trying to put a wedge between you and the people who have already proven their love for you throughout your life, that is a HUGE red flag! It indicates an abusive personality who wants you to have no one left to run to for help once they start the abuse.

“Love doesn’t isolate! If you have to cut off good friends and family to please your partner, you’re not in a relationship. That’s slavery. A person only isolates you so they can control you.” -Tony Gaskins

Their words and behavior align.

Love is a verb—which means it’s an action word, so it requires actions to truly exist. If they say they love you but their actions make you feel unloved, then they aren’t actually loving you.

I’ve had multiple guys talk about a future with me but—at best—they were dreaming and deceiving themselves about what they were capable of; and—at worst—they were only trying to keep me around longer by promising what they knew I wanted even though they did not intend to follow through. And I believed each one of them for far too long before I realized none of them were actually putting in the work to build that future, until Dakota.

For example: one thing Dakota did when we were dating which let me know he was serious about building a future with me was look up lists of questions you should ask your significant other before marriage and he went through all of the questions with me. He also made sure I met as many of the important people in his life as I could as soon as possible and vice versa.

“Great marriages are made when husbands and wives make a lot every day choices that say, ‘I love you’, rather than choices that say, ‘I love me’.” -Matthew L. Jacobson

They can engage in a disagreement without becoming cruel.

No one is ever going to agree with another person 100% of the time. You need to be able to discuss your disagreements civilly and lovingly. It’s important to be with someone who knows it’s not okay to be cruel in order to win a disagreement. The goal should be to talk things out and come to a mutual understanding.

“A healthy adult relationship is one where both people in the relationship give and both receive. There is a safe and open exchange of ideas, feelings, and thoughts and all perspectives are considered and valued. There is also the freedom to respectfully challenge, confront, and strengthen one another.” -Leslie Vernick

Even if you don’t come to the same conclusion in the end, each person needs to feel heard and understood. In healthy relationships, people can disagree and still be respectful. They can also find ways to compromise when choices and actions need to be decided upon even if they can never completely agree with or understand the other person’s viewpoint.

“Maturity in a relationship is seeing conflict as a way to develop deeper mutual understanding. It is not about winning or being correct, but about taking turns to listen selflessly and calmly speaking your truth to each other. Harmony grows when you meet each other in the middle.” -Yung Pueblo

They have their own healthy hobbies.

Of course couples should do a lot of stuff together; however, they shouldn’t need to do everything together. Each person should be well rounded enough to have their own things going on sometimes and be allowed to do their own thing.

“There’s a big difference between empty fatigue and gratifying exhaustion. Life is short. Invest in meaningful activities that move you.” -Marc and Angel Chernoff

They help you with your emotions.

Emotions can be wrong. Emotions aren’t always justified and can be misleading because they tend to come from our most selfish places. However, they are still real and ignoring or dismissing them doesn’t help. Repressed emotions can resurface later into actual physical ailments or can build up until you explode. In a healthy, loving relationship, you will be able to discuss your emotions—whether or not they are justified—without fighting about them, and work through them together.

This doesn’t mean that you both act like your emotions are always correct, it means you explore them together, without assumptions, and discover what they are trying to tell you. Even if they are illogical they are usually signaling you towards a wound which needs to be healed. So, you need to work together to figure out why you are feeling that way, be it injustice, selfishness, past trauma, an unforeseen trigger, etc. and then you can find ways to handle it healthily and heal the wounds which exist or the potentially false mindset you’re carrying which led to them.

A loving partner should be a safe space to talk about your feelings with, whether or not the feelings are logical and justified. But, you, also as a loving partner, need to be willing to be honest about the origin of the emotions and, potentially, your own infallibility, so that you can both come out better on the other side.

“When you shut down emotion, you’re also affecting your immune system. So the repression of emotion, which is a survival strategy, then becomes a source of physiological illness later on.” -Gabor Mate

They share compatible goals for your relationship.

Unfortunately, you might find someone who is perfect in every way, but they don’t want to have kids, while you do want to have kids. If you both want to build different types of futures, through no fault of either of you, you can’t build your future together.

Chemistry refers to the emotional connection you feel with another individual. Your chemistry is what creates the magnetic pull towards someone, what attracts you to their being and the foundation for sexual attraction. Compatibility on the other hand is related to lifestyle, goals, and values and overall vision. If you have chemistry without compatibility, this creates a short term intimate relationship. If you have compatibility without much chemistry, this creates a dry, passionless relationship. Both are needed for the relationship to feel filled with passion, life, purpose, and sustenance.”

They understand that healthy relationships require continuous work.

All relationships take work. They require a willingness to grow and adapt with your partner. You are not the same person you were a year ago and neither are they; nor will either of you be exactly the same a year from now. You have to stay checked-in with each other—spend quality time with each other, talk about your day and thoughts together—in order to grow and change together instead of drifting apart.

“Men are so worried that marriage will leave them with ‘only one woman’ for the rest of their lives. That’s simply not true. I fell in love with a 19-year-old rock climber, married a 20-year-old animal lover, started a family with a 24-year-old mother, then built a farm with a 25-year-old homemaker, and today I’m married to a 27-year-old woman of wisdom. If your mind is healthy, you’ll never get tired of ‘one woman’. You’ll actually become overwhelmed with how many beautiful versions of her you get to marry over the years. Don’t say no to marriage, say yes and keep saying yes until the day you die.” -Dale Partridge

Also, there is no such thing as, “I told you I loved you on our wedding day and that’s enough.” No, that’s neglect and indicates an unhealthy detachment from your emotions. There is nothing wrong with reassuring your partner of your love, and in fact, it is ideal—dare I say, required. A strong relationship is one in which both people and constantly reminded that they are loved. Feeling securely loved allows you to grow and flourish in all aspects of your life.

“Marriage is not the end of the search for love. It’s the end of the search for the person to love. The search for ways to love that person has just begun.” -Hank Sinatra

They share your form of spirituality.

A person’s religious beliefs impact pretty much every decision they make, even the small ones, but especially the major ones. If you don’t share your core belief system, you don’t really share the same view of the world. You might be able to coast by through the small choices, but when life gets hard, like it does for everyone, you will both fall back on your core beliefs for guidance and if they are incompatible belief systems, you will fall apart.

On the flip side, if you share your core belief system, it will make your choices easier. Decisions like how to raise your children, which places you should donate money to, and which holidays to celebrate, will be way easier.

When people fall in love with someone’s flowers, but not their roots, they don’t know what to do when Autumn comes. Your relationship needs to be built on a deep alignment of values, character, and morals (the roots) not just ‘love’, appearance, hobbies, and status (the flowers).” -suetsai & doctor_bolu / Twitter


These are just a few of many green flags which indicate the potential for a strong, healthy, long-lasting relationship. If you find a person who flies these flags and they want to build a future with you, you are blessed.

Likewise, we should all be working at becoming the type of person who flies these flags as well. The number one way to attract the type of person you want, is to work at becoming the type of person they deserve.

If you inherently long for something, become it first. If you want gardens, become the gardener. If you want love, embody love. If you want mental stimulation, change the conversation. If you want peace, exude calmness. If you want to fill your world with artists, begin to paint. If you want to be valued, respect your own time. If you want to live ecstatically, find the ecstacy within yourself. This is how to draw it in, day by day, inch by inch.


This series of blog posts titled, “Holding on to Reason”, is named after Amanda’s favorite C.S. Lewis quote: “Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods.”

Click here for more things written by Amanda Hovseth.

Prayers of the Bible: Part 2

A Parable Comparing Self-righteous Prayers to Humble Prayers

Context: Jesus told this parable in order to teach his followers a lesson about who their confidence should be in. In this parable the Pharisee put his confidence in himself and his own self-righteousness, while the Tax Collector was humble and believed he needed a Savior. The Tax Collector’s confidence was in God’s righteousness, not his own. Likewise, we should all put our confidence in God’s ability to save us and not in our own actions.

Then Jesus told this story to some who had great confidence in their own righteousness and scorned everyone else: “Two men went to the Temple to pray. One was a Pharisee, and the other was a despised tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer: ‘I thank you, God, that I am not like other people—cheaters, sinners, adulterers. I’m certainly not like that tax collector! I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income.’

“But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’ I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home justified before God. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

-Luke 18:9-14 (NLT)

  King Hezekiah’s Prayer with the Enemy at Their Gates

Context: Sennacherib, the King of Assyria has been conquering nation after nation and he has now brought his army to the gates of Jerusalem. He tells King Hezekiah that he should surrender and he uses every other nation he has defeated as an example, claiming that their gods could not save them from him so Hezekiah would be foolish to think his God could do any better. Instead of surrendering, Hezekiah takes his concerns to God with this prayer. 

God responded through His prophet, Isaiah, letting Hezekiah know that He had heard Sennacherib’s blasphemies and that Hezekiah had nothing to worry about. God promised to make Sennacherib return home where he would be destroyed by the sword. God did exactly as He promised. Sennacherib got news which had him return to Nineveh, and, then, while he was worshiping his god, Nisrok, in his temple, his own sons killed him with their swords.

And Hezekiah prayed to the Lord: “Lord, the God of Israel, enthroned between the cherubim, you alone are God over all the kingdoms of the earth. You have made heaven and earth. Give ear, Lord, and hear; open your eyes, Lord, and see; listen to the words Sennacherib has sent to ridicule the living God.

“It is true, Lord, that the Assyrian kings have laid waste to these nations and their lands. They have thrown their gods into the fire and destroyed them, for they were not gods but only wood and stone, fashioned by human hands. Now, Lord our God, deliver us from his hand, so that all the kingdoms of the earth may know that you alone, Lord, are God.”

-2 Kings 19:15-19 (NIV)

Jonah’s Prayer for Deliverance

Context: Jonah was a prophet of God. When God told Jonah to go to Nineveh and preach repentance to them, Jonah refused. Nineveh had a history of being very cruel to other nations, including the Israelites, so Jonah didn’t want to help them out at all. He knew that God is a God of forgiveness and he didn’t want to give them a chance to repent because he didn’t want God to forgive them.

Jonah tried to run away by getting on a boat heading away from Nineveh. But, you can’t run away from God. God sent a bad storm. Jonah knew it was his fault, so he told the people on the ship that he needed to be thrown overboard if they wanted to survive the storm. When he was thrown overboard, God sent a big fish to swallow Jonah, but Jonah didn’t die, God kept him alive in the fish. While Jonah is in the fish he prays this prayer. 

It’s interesting to note that this prayer is in the past tense. Jonah prayed as if God had already saved him. Jonah knew what God wanted and knew if he asked for help and forgiveness he would be granted it and saved. Sure enough, after this prayer God had the fish spit Jonah out onto dry land, and Jonah made his way to Nineveh.

“I called out to the Lord, out of my distress,

    and he answered me;

out of the belly of Sheol I cried,

    and you heard my voice.

For you cast me into the deep,

    into the heart of the seas,

    and the flood surrounded me;

all your waves and your billows

    passed over me.

Then I said, ‘I am driven away

    from your sight;

yet I shall again look

    upon your holy temple.’

The waters closed in over me to take my life;

    the deep surrounded me;

weeds were wrapped about my head

     at the roots of the mountains.

I went down to the land

    whose bars closed upon me forever;

yet you brought up my life from the pit,

    O Lord my God.

When my life was fainting away,

    I remembered the Lord,

and my prayer came to you,

    into your holy temple.

Those who pay regard to vain idols

    forsake their hope of steadfast love.

But I with the voice of thanksgiving

    will sacrifice to you;

what I have vowed I will pay.

    Salvation belongs to the Lord!”

-Jonah 2:1b-9 (ESV)

Solomon’s Prayer for Wisdom

Context: Solomon had recently become the new king of Israel, succeeding his father, King David. Instead of trusting in his own ability to lead, he turned to God for help. God offered him anything he wanted. This prayer is Solomon’s reply to God’s offer. 

Instead of asking for riches or fame, Solomon asked for the wisdom required to be a good leader. God was pleased with the fact that Solomon’s heart was focused on taking care of his people instead of on selfish endeavors, so He granted Solomon’s request for wisdom but also promised him riches and fame.

To this day, even in secular settings, Solomon is known as the wisest man and king to ever live. 

Solomon replied, “You showed great and faithful love to your servant, my father, David, because he was honest and true and faithful to you. And you have continued to show this great and faithful love to him today by giving him a son to sit on his throne.

“Now, O Lord my God, you have made me king instead of my father, David, but I am like a little child who doesn’t know his way around. And here I am in the midst of your own chosen people, a nation so great and numerous they cannot be counted! Give me an understanding heart so that I can govern your people well and know the difference between right and wrong. For who by himself is able to govern this great people of yours?”

-1 Kings 3:6-9 (NLT)

The Prayer of Jabez

Context: This is a short prayer that is stuck right in the middle of a genealogical record written by Ezra about the Israelites who returned home after their Babylonian exile. Jabez’s prayer shows that he understood God’s promises to the nation of Israel. Jabez asked God to grant him exactly what God had already promised to do for the Israelite people if they would simply come to Him in prayer (Jeremiah 29:10-14).  Jabez did precisely what God wanted all of the people listed in this genealogical record to do; he chose to follow God and God kept His promises. 

We are not living during the same time Jabez was--we are not Israelites being brought back to our homeland from our exile in Babylon--so we also don’t live under the same prophetic messages and promises which Jabez lived under. However, there are still truths which we can learn from this: God always keeps His promises; and it is wise to learn which promises are meant for us and then to pray in line with them.

Jabez was more honorable than his brothers; and his mother called his name Jabez, saying, “Because I bore him in pain.” Jabez called upon the God of Israel, saying, “Oh that you would bless me and enlarge my border, and that your hand might be with me, and that you would keep me from harm so that it might not bring me pain!” And God granted what he asked.

-1 Chronicles 4:9-10 (ESV)

Paul’s Prayer for the Believers in Ephesus

Context: The book of Ephesians is a letter Paul wrote to the faithful followers of Christ in the church of Ephesus. He started out praising God for the grace He has given through Christ’s sacrifice on the cross for the forgiveness of sins. Paul also said they should praise God for giving believers the Holy Spirit as a guarantee of salvation and spiritual inheritance. Then he prayed for the believers to grow in their wisdom and knowledge of God and to understand God’s power and everything He does and has done for the people who have believed in Him.

We may not be Ephesians; however, if you have accepted Jesus as your Savior and trusted in His sacrifice on the cross to pay for your sins, then the truths found in this prayer can also be applied to you. It is a prayer for believers (those who “belong to His dear Son”) during the church age, and we are also believers during the church age.

So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding.

And now you Gentiles have also heard the truth, the Good News that God saves you. And when you believed in Christ, he identified you as his own by giving you the Holy Spirit, whom he promised long ago. The Spirit is God’s guarantee that he will give us the inheritance he promised and that he has purchased us to be his own people. He did this so we would praise and glorify him.

Ever since I first heard of your strong faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for God’s people everywhere, I have not stopped thanking God for you. I pray for you constantly, asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and insight so that you might grow in your knowledge of God. I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance.

I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God’s power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated him in the place of honor at God’s right hand in the heavenly realms. Now he is far above any ruler or authority or power or leader or anything else—not only in this world but also in the world to come. God has put all things under the authority of Christ and has made him head over all things for the benefit of the church. And the church is his body; it is made full and complete by Christ, who fills all things everywhere with himself.

- Ephesians 1:6-8; 13-23 (NLT)


This series of blog posts titled, “Holding on to Reason”, is named after Amanda’s favorite C.S. Lewis quote: “Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods.”

Click here for more things written by Amanda Hovseth.

Prayers of the Bible: Part 1

Jesus’ Prayer for Believers

Jesus’ Last Supper in Watercolor

Context: This is a part of Jesus’s prayer during ‘The Last Supper’ when He prayed for all of us who choose to believe in Him.

“My prayer is not for them alone (the Disciples). I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one—I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity. Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.” ­ -John 17:20-23 (NIV)

 A Song of Praise by Moses, Miriam, and the Israelites

Context: Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt to the bank of the Red Sea. Pharaoh’s army pursued them there, trapping them. But, God split the sea, allowing the Israelites to cross on dry land. Pharaoh’s army tried to pursue them through the sea, only to have God return the waters and drown them. Once safe on the other side of the Red Sea; Moses, Miriam, and the Israelites sang a song of praise.

Then Moses and the Israelites sang this song to the Lord:

“I will sing to the Lord,
    for he is highly exalted.
Both horse and driver
    he has hurled into the sea.

“The Lord is my strength and my defense;
    he has become my salvation.
He is my God, and I will praise him,
    my father’s God, and I will exalt him.
The Lord is a warrior;
    the Lord is his name.
Pharaoh’s chariots and his army
    he has hurled into the sea.
The best of Pharaoh’s officers
    are drowned in the Red Sea.
The deep waters have covered them;
    they sank to the depths like a stone.
Your right hand, Lord,
    was majestic in power.
Your right hand, Lord,
    shattered the enemy.

“In the greatness of your majesty
    you threw down those who opposed you.
You unleashed your burning anger;
    it consumed them like stubble.
By the blast of your nostrils
    the waters piled up.
The surging waters stood up like a wall;
    the deep waters congealed in the heart of the sea.
The enemy boasted,
    ‘I will pursue, I will overtake them.
I will divide the spoils;
    I will gorge myself on them.
I will draw my sword
    and my hand will destroy them.’
But you blew with your breath,
    and the sea covered them.
They sank like lead
    in the mighty waters.
Who among the gods
    is like you, Lord?
Who is like you—
    majestic in holiness,
awesome in glory,
    working wonders?

“You stretch out your right hand,
    and the earth swallows your enemies.
In your unfailing love you will lead
    the people you have redeemed.
In your strength you will guide them
    to your holy dwelling.
The nations will hear and tremble;
    anguish will grip the people of Philistia.
The chiefs of Edom will be terrified,
    the leaders of Moab will be seized with trembling,
the people[c] of Canaan will melt away;
     terror and dread will fall on them.
By the power of your arm
    they will be as still as a stone—
until your people pass by, Lord,
    until the people you bought[d] pass by.
You will bring them in and plant them
    on the mountain of your inheritance—
the place, Lord, you made for your dwelling,
    the sanctuary, Lord, your hands established.

“The Lord reigns
    for ever and ever.”

When Pharaoh’s horses, chariots and horsemen went into the sea, the Lord brought the waters of the sea back over them, but the Israelites walked through the sea on dry ground. Then Miriam the prophet, Aaron’s sister, took a timbrel in her hand, and all the women followed her, with timbrels and dancing. Miriam sang to them:

“Sing to the Lord,
    for he is highly exalted.
Both horse and driver
    he has hurled into the sea.”
- Exodus 15:1-21 (NIV)

Hannah’s Prayer of Thankfulness

Context: Hannah had been desperately praying for God to grant her a child. He answered her prayers, giving her a son. She named him Samuel which means, “Because I asked the Lord for him.” This is her prayer of thanks after God granted her a child.

Hannah dedicated Samuel to God.  Samuel became a priest, a prophet, and the last judge for the Israelite nation. He anointed Saul and then David, to be the first and second kings of Israel.

“My heart rejoices in the Lord;
    in the Lord my horn is lifted high.
My mouth boasts over my enemies,
    for I delight in your deliverance.

“There is no one holy like the Lord;
    there is no one besides you;
    there is no Rock like our God.

“Do not keep talking so proudly
    or let your mouth speak such arrogance,
for the Lord is a God who knows,
    and by him deeds are weighed.

“The bows of the warriors are broken,
    but those who stumbled are armed with strength.
Those who were full hire themselves out for food,
    but those who were hungry are hungry no more.
She who was barren has borne seven children,
    but she who has had many sons pines away.

“The Lord brings death and makes alive;
    he brings down to the grave and raises up.
 The Lord sends poverty and wealth;
    he humbles and he exalts.
He raises the poor from the dust
    and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
he seats them with princes
    and has them inherit a throne of honor.

“For the foundations of the earth are the Lord’s;
    on them he has set the world.
He will guard the feet of his faithful servants,
    but the wicked will be silenced in the place of darkness.

“It is not by strength that one prevails;
    those who oppose the Lord will be broken.
The Most High will thunder from heaven;
    the Lord will judge the ends of the earth.

“He will give strength to his king
    and exalt the horn of his anointed.”

-1 Samuel 2:1b-10 (NIV)

 Asaph’s Prayer about His Despair

Context: Asaph, from the book of Psalms, is one of the Levites whom King David assigned as worship leaders in the Tabernacle choir. This Psalm was meant to be sung to the Lord in praise. In it, Asaph was suffering from extreme depression. He sang about his struggle and explained how he would combat that struggle. He did so by remembering everything God had done in the past. Through considering God’s actions as a whole, Asaph was reassured about who God is and how powerful He is. Then, instead of focusing on his despair, he chose to focus on the historically proven truth that God is always faithful.

I cry aloud to God,
    aloud to God, and he will hear me.
In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord;
    in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying;
    my soul refuses to be comforted.
When I remember God, I moan;
    when I meditate, my spirit faints. Selah

You hold my eyelids open;
    I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
I consider the days of old,
    the years long ago.
I said, “Let me remember my song in the night;
    let me meditate in my heart.”
    Then my spirit made a diligent search:
“Will the Lord spurn forever,
    and never again be favorable?
Has his steadfast love forever ceased?
    Are his promises at an end for all time?
Has God forgotten to be gracious?
    Has he in anger shut up his compassion?” Selah

Then I said, “I will appeal to this,
    to the years of the right hand of the Most High.”

I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
    yes, I will remember your wonders of old.
I will ponder all your work,
    and meditate on your mighty deeds.
Your way, O God, is holy.
    What god is great like our God?
You are the God who works wonders;
    you have made known your might among the peoples.
You with your arm redeemed your people,
    the children of Jacob and Joseph. Selah

When the waters saw you, O God,
    when the waters saw you, they were afraid;
    indeed, the deep trembled.
The clouds poured out water;
    the skies gave forth thunder;
    your arrows flashed on every side.
The crash of your thunder was in the whirlwind;
    your lightnings lighted up the world;
    the earth trembled and shook.
Your way was through the sea,
    your path through the great waters;
    yet your footprints were unseen.[c
You led your people like a flock
    by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

- Psalm 77 (ESV)


King David’s Prayer of Repentance

Context: King David was walking on his roof when he saw Bathsheba bathing. Bathsheba was married to a man named Uriah who was one of David’s inner-circle known as his “mighty men”. Even so, David called Bathsheba to come to him and he lay with her. She became pregnant. After trying and failing at a couple of deceptive tactics in order to get away with his actions, David plotted to have Uriah killed in battle. Then David married Bathsheba in order to try and cover up their infidelity. Of course, nothing can be hidden from God. God sent his prophet, Nathan, to confront David about his actions. When confronted, David was struck down with grief. This is his prayer to God when he asked for forgiveness.

Have mercy on me, O God,
    according to your steadfast love;
according to your abundant mercy
    blot out my transgressions.
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
    and cleanse me from my sin!

For I know my transgressions,
    and my sin is ever before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
    and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you may be justified in your words
    and blameless in your judgment.
Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
    and in sin did my mother conceive me.
Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
    and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
    wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
    let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins,
    and blot out all my iniquities.
Create in me a clean heart, O God,
    and renew a right[
b] spirit within me.
Cast me not away from your presence,
    and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
    and uphold me with a willing spirit.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
    and sinners will return to you.
Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God,
    O God of my salvation,
    and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness.
O Lord, open my lips,
    and my mouth will declare your praise.
For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
    you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
    a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

Do good to Zion in your good pleasure;
    build up the walls of Jerusalem;
then will you delight in right sacrifices,
    in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings;
    then bulls will be offered on your altar.

- Psalm 51:1-19 (ESV)


This series of blog posts titled, “Holding on to Reason”, is named after Amanda’s favorite C.S. Lewis quote: “Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods.”

Click here for more things written by Amanda Hovseth.




You are on a Journey! (A lesson for kids about God's design.)

For this journey you are:

  • given information about who God is: all-loving, all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-present.

  • offered forgiveness of sins through Jesus’ payment for sins by His death on the cross.



  • given a relationship with God, and an identity as a child of God, if you accept Jesus’ payment.


  • given instructions to, “Go and make disciples of all nations.” (Matt. 28:19-20).


God knows every twist and turn which you will have to make on your own personal journey.

So, God also built you a body which is specially formed to help you on your specific journey.


Some people might look at you and not understand why you were given the body you have.

They may even laugh at you and make fun of you for the ways your body is different from how they think bodies should be.

You might also look in a mirror and think BAD things about your body.



Perhaps you’d rather have a different colored one, a different shaped one, or a different sized one. Maybe God made you a boy but you want to be a girl. Maybe you’d rather be an animal.

You may not understand why God chose to make you the way He did.


But, someday something will happen. Something God knew would happen.

And you will realize that God planned for your body to be the exact one you needed to deal with that situation.

The body you hated will turn out to be the perfect tool for you to use to serve God and to spread the truth of His Gospel.

God made you perfect just as you are.

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
— Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)

“Dear God,

Thank you for making me the way I am. Thank you for giving me the body I need to live out your plan and purpose for my life. Thank you for loving me, for staying by my side, and for helping me during my journey through this life.

In Jesus name,

Amen.”


“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

- Psalms 139:13-16 (NIV)


You can download a free printout of this information by going to our “Free Material” Page and clicking on “On a Journey/Designed by God (Kids Booklet)”.


This series of blog posts titled, “Holding on to Reason”, is named after Amanda’s favorite C.S. Lewis quote: “Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods.”

Click here for more stuff written my Amanda Hovseth.

The Metaphysical Search

When nothing in this world can satisfy…

Who am I?

Why am I here?

What is life all about?

“Life and the universe refuse to remain silent, and they trigger a thousand questions in us. For those with ears to hear, and for those who dare to pay attention, the universe is alive with sounds and signals to suggest that there is a wider world than we see—a world of warmth, color, and brilliance, lit by the reality of the sun and the author of it all.

Do you already “know what you see and hear,” in the sense that you have already made up your mind about what there is to be seen and heard, so that you can see and hear nothing else? Or do you “see and hear in order to know,” in the sense that you are open to the surprise of new insight and fresh perception?...This is the way of a mind and a heart that are open to a breakthrough.

Whoever has ears to hear let him hear.”

- Os Guinness “Signals of Transcendence: Listening to the Promptings of Life”

“Throughout the ages mankind has sensed that there is something deeper than physical reality. Things like the spiritual, the mental, and the emotional. These are realities that cannot be seen or sensed with the five senses, yet they are realities nonetheless.

The study of what is really real is called metaphysics. Metaphysics deals with the reality behind the reality that we see. The metaphysical explains (accounts for) the physical. As an analogy, think about your smartphone. What you see on the screen is not the whole story. There is advanced circuitry and a whole network behind that screen. That is like the metaphysical behind the physical.”

- The Think Institute

A Metaphysician’s goal is to find the reality behind the reality that we see.


Metaphysics is not the end game; its existence is not the answer. It is merely a path taken—the name of the search—to discover the ultimate reality.


If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.
— C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Inventions and their Inventors

When the first hairdryer was invented by Alexandre-Ferdinand Godefroy, people didn’t walk up to the large heater and metal pipe and ask it what it was or what its purpose was. Instead, they went to its creator—Godefroy—and asked him to explain the purpose of his creation’s existence.


“Who am I?”

“Why am I here?”

“What is life all about?”

When it comes to these questions, we are the hairdryer in the equation. We did not choose to bring ourselves into existence or decide on why we should be brought into existence. So, if we want the answers to these questions, we have to ask the right being. We have to ask our creator.

What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God himself.
— Pascal “Pensees (10.148):1"

God draws us to seek Him. We are all born with an emptiness inside, which no other human can fill. Neither spouses nor parents nor friends can be 100% what we need 100% of the time. But God can be. Only God’s love can fill that emptiness inside.

An all-powerful, timeless being like God could have created anything he wanted to create. He could have made us like robots that would do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted, but he didn’t. Instead, he chose to give us free will (the ability to act according to one’s own discretion).

God wants to have a real relationship with us, to interact with us, to love us, and to, hopefully, have us love him back and also love each other. 

Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God.  But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. - 1 John 4:7-11 (NLT)

In order for us to be able to have a genuine relationship with God, we had to have been created with the ability to love. In order to make it possible for us to love; God had to give us the ability and option not to love—because love means nothing if it is not freely given.

When people choose not to love God and not to love each other, they often choose to be selfish and do things God doesn’t want them to do. Or things which go against his design, which we call sin. Sin hurts people and causes bad things to happen.

The good news is, even when we do bad things, God still loves us and he refuses to give up on us. God knew when he created Adam and Eve that they would mess up and choose not to show him love. Yet, he also knew that he could fix the problem if he was willing to die on the cross to pay for our sins. So, despite knowing he would have to suffer and die for us, he still chose to create us. Jesus came down to earth and died on the cross to pay for our sins and fix our relationship with God. This means, even though we mess up we can still have a relationship with God.




Now you have a choice.

-    You can choose to pay God for your sins yourself. This will mean you cannot make it into Heaven.

-    Or you can choose to admit that you cannot be good enough to get into Heaven on your own, and don’t want to pay the consequences of your sins, yourself. Then, you just need to accept the payment Jesus already made on your behalf for sin, and enjoy the free gift of a relationship with God and entry into Heaven.


Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us...overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. - Romans 8:34, 37-39 (NLT)


You can download a free printout of this information by going to our “Free Material” Page and clicking on “The Metaphysical Search”. For more information related to this topic you can also download “Metaphysics and God” tract and go to the blog post titled “Metaphysics and God”.


This series of blog posts titled, “Holding on to Reason”, is named after Amanda’s favorite C.S. Lewis quote: “Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods.”

Click here for more stuff written my Amanda Hovseth.

Metaphysics and God

Metaphysics deals with the reality behind the reality that we see.

The Metaphysician asks:

“What is true always and everywhere, regardless of time or place?”

“How is this truth related to the particular truths of determinate (having exact and discernible limits or form) times and places?”


Here’s a summary of ‘The Metaphysical Argument’, from Duns Scotus, the influential Medieval Christian theologian, combined with the ‘The First-Cause Argument’, explained by Josh McDowell’s Ministry at josh.org.

_________________________________________

1.   It is possible that something can be produced.

2.   It had to have been produced by itself, by nothing, or by another being.


3.   It can’t be produced by nothing, because nothing causes nothing.

4.   It can’t be produced by itself, because an effect never causes itself.

5.   Therefore, it had to be produced by another, which we will call: ‘A’.

6.   If ‘A’ is the first to ever exist then we have reached the conclusion.


7. If ‘A’ is not the first to ever exist, then we return to 2).

8. From 3) and 4), we find another producer which we will call- ‘B’.


9. Either:

this cycle repeats for infinity

|or|

we eventually come to the first thing to ever exist--the ultimate producer who never had to be produced.


10.  An infinite series is not possible because it is ‘Infinite Regress’. It breaks the laws of thermodynamics and entropy. Which states: in a closed system, matter cannot sustain itself infinitely because eventually physical matter will be converted into heat and various forms of energy until no matter is left. Something has to be creating and adding new matter to the system.


11.    Therefore, the ultimate, first to exist producer does exist. 


12.  If this producer is the first of everything to exist, it has to be the origin of time, space, and matter. It could not be subject to natural law, or that would imply that it needed time, space, and matter to exist. Which means it is timeless, spaceless, and immaterial.


13. This unproduced producer is God.

He is prime reality, himself.


You can download a free printout of this information by going to our “Free Material” Page and clicking on “Metaphysics and God”. For more information on the topic of Metaphysics you can also read, “The Metaphysical Search” blog post and utilize a free printout of “The Metaphysical Search”.


This series of blog posts titled, “Holding on to Reason”, is named after Amanda’s favorite C.S. Lewis quote: “Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods.”

Click here for more stuff written my Amanda Hovseth.

A Functional Faith: The Unclean Woman

Three of the four Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) include the story of the “Unclean Woman of Faith”.

  • And behold, a woman who had suffered from a discharge of blood for twelve years came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment, for she said to herself, “If I only touch his garment, I will be made well.” Jesus turned, and seeing her he said, “Take heart, daughter; your faith has made you well.” And instantly the woman was made well.

  • And there was a woman who had had a discharge of blood for twelve years, and who had suffered much under many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was no better but rather grew worse. She had heard the reports about Jesus and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his garment. For she said, “If I touch even his garments, I will be made well.” And immediately the flow of blood dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of her disease. And Jesus, perceiving in himself that power had gone out from him, immediately turned about in the crowd and said, “Who touched my garments?” And his disciples said to him, “You see the crowd pressing around you, and yet you say, ‘Who touched me?’” And he looked around to see who had done it. But the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came in fear and trembling and fell down before him and told him the whole truth. And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease.”

  • And there was a woman who had had a discharge of blood for twelve years, and though she had spent all her living on physicians, she could not be healed by anyone. She came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment, and immediately her discharge of blood ceased. And Jesus said, “Who was it that touched me?” When all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the crowds surround you and are pressing in on you!”  But Jesus said, “Someone touched me, for I perceive that power has gone out from me.” And when the woman saw that she was not hidden, she came trembling, and falling down before him declared in the presence of all the people why she had touched him, and how she had been immediately healed. And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.”

When read on its own, this story doesn’t seem like much more than a quick little example of a miracle. But when the Bible is read in context, we learn there is more to it.

The first thing we must understand about this story is that this woman is suffering through much more than just a health issue. According to the Jewish law, this specific health issue also makes her unclean. And when someone, or something, is unclean and it comes in contact with someone or something else, it makes that thing unclean too.

Leviticus 15:19-33 (NLT) “Whenever a woman has her menstrual period, she will be ceremonially unclean for seven days. Anyone who touches her during that time will be unclean until evening…If a woman has a flow of blood for many days that is unrelated to her menstrual period, or if the blood continues beyond the normal period, she is ceremonially unclean. As during her menstrual period, the woman will be unclean as long as the discharge continues…”

So for twelve years this woman has been considered unclean within the Jewish community, which means she has been ostracized from her friends and family, expected to permanently separate herself from their society until the bleeding stops and she can be made ceremonially clean again.

Since, their medicinal options obviously hadn’t helped her in twelve years, she had most likely given up hope of ever having a normal life. As Mark 5:26 says, “...and who had suffered much under many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was no better but rather grew worse.” (ESV).


Then Jesus came on the scene.

Lost Renaissance Masterpiece Found Hanging Above Woman’s Hot Plate

As Mark 5:27 says, this woman heard of the things Jesus had been doing. Not only was He performing healing miracles--which probably would have been enough for her to ask Him to heal her--but He was also specifically fulfilling Messianic prophecies. And we can know she recognized this and believed He was the promised Messiah because of how she goes about trying to get healed.

Mathew 9:21 informs us that she believed the only thing she needed to do was touch his garment. “...she said to herself, “If I only touch his garment, I will be made well.” (ESV).

Why would she think that specifically? Why wouldn’t she think she needed to ask Jesus to heal her? It seems a bit strange to assume that his garments would have the power to heal her.

Well, she obviously had a pretty decent knowledge of the Scriptures, because she is putting her faith in one of the Messianic prophecies in Malachi:

Malachi 4:2 (ESV) But for you who fear my name, the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings. You shall go out leaping like calves from the stall.

The Hebrew word for “wings” in this verse is "kanaph". Strong's Concordance, defines it as follows:

 Kanaph (kaw-nawf); Noun Feminine, Strong #: 3671

Wing, extremity, edge, winged, border, corner, shirt

- Wing

- Extremity skirt, corner (of garment)

In other words, this verse is saying:

 Malachi 4:2 (ESV) But for you who fear my name, the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in the fringes of its robe. You shall go out leaping like calves from the stall.

This woman knew Jesus was the solution to all of her problems. With one little touch, she could return to her life with her family and friends. The problem was, He was going to be surrounded by a crowd of people which she wasn’t supposed to get close to because everyone she would come in contact with would become unclean.

It was a huge risk for her to venture into the crowd to touch Jesus’ cloak. If she had been wrong and hadn’t been healed, a lot of people would have been furious with her for being so reckless and making them all unclean. They may have even gotten angry enough to execute her for it. But her knowledge of the Scriptures and of the fact that God’s prophecies always come true, led her to have such a strong faith that she took the risk, pushed her way through the crowd, and reached out to touch the edges of Jesus’ cloak.

And, the result? 

Luke 8:44, 46-48 (ESV) She came up behind him and touched the fringe of his garment, and immediately her discharge of blood ceased…Jesus said, “Someone touched me, for I perceive that power has gone out from me.” And when the woman saw that she was not hidden, she came trembling, and falling down before him declared in the presence of all the people why she had touched him, and how she had been immediately healed. And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.”

Her faith wasn’t just a random whim or feeling. She knew the Biblical prophecies about the coming Messiah and knew that Jesus had been fulfilling them.

Walking into a crowd in her state was too dangerous to risk without being certain of who Jesus was. If she had been wrong, she could have even made Jesus, Himself, unclean by touching Him. But she wasn’t wrong. Jesus was the promised Messiah. So, instead of her making Jesus unclean, Jesus made her clean; just as He does for everyone who puts their faith in Him. 


This series of blog posts titled, “Holding on to Reason”, is named after Amanda’s favorite C.S. Lewis quote: “Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods.”

Click here for more stuff written my Amanda Hovseth.

The Christmas Tornado

Here I am with my first company issued semi-truck.

A few years ago, I was working for Werner as an over-the-road truck driver. This meant I could be sent to deliver items with my truck anywhere across the United States, and I lived in said truck for months at a time.

The truck driving field is a tricky one, because while it tends to pay well, there are a lot of companies which treat their employees like they are just tools to be used and not like human beings. 

When I first accepted the job, I had been told that I would have a route which would allow me to be home with my family every weekend. My dad had recently passed away, so the ability to be home often with my mom during that time was imperative in my decision to take the job. They had, as it turns out, lied to me, and I ended up being away from home for around three months at a time. 

Here I am learning to drive manual in a semi-truck in Millington, Tennessee.

Unfortunately, by the time I realized they had lied to me about my route, they already had me trapped financially. In order to get a Commercial Driver’s License I had had to attend a trucking school in Millington, Tennessee. They lured me down there by saying that the trucking school would be completely paid for by Werner, but once I was there, they revealed that I would have to take out a loan for $7,000 in order to pay for the three week school. Then if Werner decided to actually hire me, they would make my loan payments every month for as long as I worked for them. Honestly, that’s an okay deal, if they had been upfront about it. But they hadn’t.

Long story short, I ended up trapped working for them by a $7,000 loan. I tried to make the best of it. I had met another girl, Laura Powers, during training in Los Angeles, California who had asked me if I’d be willing to team drive with her. So, I called her up and we started out our venture as close-quarters roommates and co-workers.

Laura was great, we got along really well and had a lot of fun times together. The only problem was, no matter how hard I tried, I could not handle the stress of the job and of feeling like I was abandoning my family. Things got so bad for me emotionally that I could no longer eat anything without instantly having to rush to the bathroom, which is the last thing anyone wants to happen while driving a 16-wheeler down a five-lane interstate.

I vividly remember one specific moment when I was at my wit’s end. I was driving south in Florida, towards Orlando. I wanted to quit my job right then and there, but I had no idea how I would get home or pay off my loans if I did. So, I did what I should've done sooner, I turned to God for help. 


“Desperate Prayer” by livin_4_jesus

I prayed, “Daddy God, I’ve gotten myself into a major bind here. I do not think I can physically continue with this job. But I don’t want to be financially irresponsible and end up with a mountain of debt I can’t pay off. My emotions tell me I should quit and go home. My logic tells me I need to stick it out at least until my debt is paid off. I need you to decide for me. If you want me to quit then find a way to get me home to do so; if you don’t want me to quit then please heal my mind and body so I can physically continue this job. In Jesus name, Amen.”


A photo I took when I realized I was going to work over Christmas.

A few weeks later, Christmas was right around the corner and Laura and I knew neither of us were going to be able to be home for Christmas. There was no way our dispatchers would allow it to happen. We had learned pretty quickly that the dispatchers liked to promise they would get us to certain places to keep us compliant, but then yank it away from us at the last minute and send us to the other side of the country. 

Our route over Christmas was taking us from North Carolina to Salt Lake City, Utah. It just so happened that I was driving on Christmas day through Nebraska on I-80 heading west. It was a windy and stormy day so I had to take it slower than usual. Then the strange and abnormal (for winter in Nebraska) happened, I had just passed Grand Island when our cell phones blared out an Emergency Alert. A tornado had touched down a few miles away from us. 

Chevy- my co-driver’s dog

I woke Laura up and had her get her leash on Chevy--her husky dog who rode along with us--as I pulled over into the truck stop by Wood River. After I parked the truck, the three of us hurried into the truck stop to take shelter.

We had a blast that night, hanging out with the truck stop employees and the few other truck drivers who were stuck there waiting out the winds. The tornado didn’t end up coming our direction so the next day we started our trek west again. We were nearly to Ogallala before we were informed that I-80 in Wyoming was closed to all traffic due to high winds and they estimated the closure to last three days. 

Laura and I had a choice, we could wait the three days out, being buffeted around by the wind in our semi-cab, or we could head a little farther west and just a tad bit north, and wait out the weather with my family at my mom’s house. We chose the second option.

So, I wasn’t home for Christmas that year, but I was home for the day after Christmas. I was so thrilled to see my family, that I was feeling a lot better psychologically, at first, but then I was hit with an emotional bomb. I found out that the guy I was seeing was already married, had at least one other “official” girlfriend, and had a one-night-stand in Chicago, who was pregnant with his baby. (He was also an over-the-road truck driver so that’s how he pulled off this horrific trickery--just keeping us all in different locations.)

Everything he had ever said to me kept spinning around in my head, because none of it matched up with the reality I was now facing. I felt like a fool. I hated that he had turned me into the “other woman”. I was so angry and heartbroken I couldn’t stop crying. What was left of my fragmented psychological state shattered to pieces. 

In that moment, I knew without a doubt that there was no way I could continue putting up with dispatchers whose starting place of communication was yelling obscenities; or with feeling like my life was moving on without me while I was just rolling down interstate after interstate. I was lost and broken, both emotionally and physically.

That’s when it hit me--I was home. At the precise moment where I had absolutely nothing left to give to over-the-road trucking, God had gotten me home. I talked to Laura and she insisted that she and Chevy could manage on their own. So I unloaded my stuff from the truck and I quit my job.

Shortly after, I was hired to drive sugar-hauling trucks for a local company, which allowed me to be home every day. Then a few weeks later, I got a notice that Werner was being sued for their dishonest practices, and I was able to make a deal with the bank to pay them $1,900 instead of the full $7,000 and have my debt wiped clean.

That day in Florida when I had prayed for help, I hadn’t been able to see a clear path to regaining my financial freedom or to getting back home, but God had already laid the path out before me. I’ll definitely never forget the time that God answered my prayers with a Christmas tornado.  

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

- Romans 8:28 (NIV)


This series of blog posts titled, “Holding on to Reason”, is named after Amanda’s favorite C.S. Lewis quote: “Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods.”

Click here for more stuff written by Amanda Hovseth.

How to Protect Yourself from Suicide

I’ve noticed that when it comes to suicide, there is a lot of advice out there for the loved ones of a person who is suicidal. They are given various options on what they can do to help prevent their loved one from commiting suicide. But, what about the person who is struggling with suicide? Are they helpless? Can’t they also be responsible for protecting themselves? I’m not saying they should be blamed for mental health issues; however, I also believe that it could be empowering to them if there were things they could do to help protect themselves as well.

While I haven’t struggled with suicidal thoughts myself, I have struggled with depression most of my adult life. And I know that when it comes to mental health there are good days and there are bad days. On the good days people often worry about what they may do on the bad days. Similarly, most people who struggle with suicidal impulses, have good days where they dread being the person they become and having the thoughts they have on the bad days. But, we aren’t limited to just sitting around waiting for and fearing the bad days. Just as I can do things on my good days to help prepare myself for the bad depression days, I have to believe that people with suicidal impulses can use their good days to put up some “safety nets” in order to prevent the worst on their bad days. So, I’ve collected a list of tips, tricks, and advice that could hopefully help people protect themselves from suicide, and here it is:

Develop a Safety Plan

  • List out warning signs which help you identify that you are starting to experience significant, severe thoughts of suicide. 

  • Write out a safety plan and actively turn to it when the warning signs start to show.


Preventative Steps You Can Take:

  • Have a list of people to contact during a crisis.

Create this list by being honest with people and telling them about your struggles with suicidal thoughts. Ask them if they are willing and capable of being one of your accountability partners. Call or go to them when suicidal thoughts threaten to get the best of you.

  •  Remind yourself that the feeling will pass.

It has before and always will. In contrast, acting on a temporary feeling has permanent consequences. Place notes or signs with this sentiment around your home, vehicle, and workspace, so they will be there when you need reminders.

  • Find someone or something to live for: a family member, a friend, or a pet, which depends on you staying alive to take care of them; or even a future goal to accomplish.

Sometimes it is simply easier to stay motivated; to keep living for the sake of people or animals that you love, than it is to stay living for yourself. And that’s okay. There is nothing wrong with staying alive because of the knowledge that you are needed. And if you aren’t certain you are needed at the moment, then, on your good days, find a way to make yourself needed, so you have that safety net and knowledge for the bad days.

  • On your good days work to sabotage your preferred suicide method, so when the bad days come it will be difficult to commit suicide.

Be honest with yourself about what your preferred method would be, and then limit your access to the things required to enact it. For example: unload guns, put dangerous things in a locked safe, take down any poles or hooks which can hold a lot of weight, have someone you trust be in charge of your meds-even over the counter ones like ibuprofen. Research shows that “method substitution”--choosing an alternate method when the original method is restricted--does not happen often. Put time and distance between yourself and your chosen method.

  • Learn that you aren’t alone. No one is completely happy in their lives or their bodies. Most people have struggled with negative thoughts, and many with suicidal thoughts.

You aren’t abnormal. All those other people found ways to survive it and continue to live in spite of it/after it. They are proof that this can be overcome and you can win this battle.

  • Figure out what kind of life you want and make a step by step plan for earning that life and work towards it.

A lot of people who have attempted suicide said that as they thought they were dying, they realized they didn’t actually want to die; they just wanted a different life. Starting a new life may seem hard or scary but it is a lot easier than suicide, and, if you think about it, what do you have to lose? Might as well try for a new life. Also, a step-by-step plan will give you a goal to focus on and each step completed will give you a feeling of success and accomplishment.

“Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me,

for in you my soul takes refuge;

in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge,

till the storms of destruction pass by.

I cry out to God Most High,

to God who fulfills his purpose for me.

He will send from heaven and save me;

he will put to shame him who tramples on me.

God will send out his steadfast love and his faithfulness.”

-Psalm 57:1-3 (ESV)


What Does the Bible Say to do When Life Starts to Crush Us?

* * *

It says to turn to God. He is our Savior from anything and everything. Ask Him for help, and trust that He will provide.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” - 1 Peter 5:6-7 (ESV)

God loves you and made you in His image. You are worthy of a life filled with love and purpose.

If you struggle accepting this truth emotionally, you can find practical things to do that will encourage emotional acceptance of it: helping other people, spreading God’s Word, finding a job which adds value to society. Work to live your life according to God’s grander purpose and eventually you will be able to see how valuable your life is, not only to God, but also to the world around you.

Ask God for help and He will show up.

God will provide a way through the struggle but those provisions aren’t always miraculous occurrences or instant healing. Most of the time God provides quietly, in practical ways: like a phone call from a friend when you’re close to the edge, or an unexpected income source to pay for the bills accrued from going to therapy.

Even when you don’t know how to ask for help for yourself, the Holy Spirit knows what you need and is crying out to the Father on your behalf.

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.” -Romans 8:26-27 (NIV)


Our world teaches us that the end goal of life is independence; but God wants us to accept our dependence on Him.

“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” -1 Corinthians 10:13 (ESV)

“But he (God) said to me (Paul), ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” -2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (ESV)

These verses aren’t claiming that life won’t be harder than we can handle. They are specifically talking about overcoming the temptations which the world throws at us. But even for those temptations, we are not supposed to rely on ourselves to overcome them:  it is God who “provides the way to escape”. God uses our weaknesses to show the world His strength in order to draw people to Him.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” -Psalms 73:26 (ESV)

The best way to fight thoughts of sadness and even suicide is to regularly stay in the Word of God.

Find verses which remind you of God’s presence and power and of how much He loves you. Memorize them so you can repeat them to yourself in times of anguish. His promises will help you endure these times.

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.” -Psalms 34:18-19 (ESV)

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:6- (NIV)

Also see: Psalms 16:8; Psalms 23:4; Psalms 55:22; Psalms 94:18; Isaiah 53:4; Matthew 11:28-30; Romans 15:13; 1 Cor. 1:3-4; 2 Cor. 4:16-18; 1 Peter 5:6-10


Do not try to go it alone.

If you feel suicidal thoughts start to invade your mind, seek professional help immediately!

Call your therapist and/or go to the Emergency Room.

There is no need to go it alone. God wants us to cry out to Him, to seek out godly counsel from others, and when necessary, to request medical help. We live in a sin-cursed world, which means our bodies are imperfect and sometimes things like hormones or brain chemistry can be off balance. God gave humans the intelligence necessary to understand science and create medical solutions. There is nothing inherently wrong with using helpful medications. 

Remember, with medical solutions there is usually a period of trial and error, because everyone’s body is different and you need to find what works for you. If you try one method or medication and it doesn’t work, don’t give up. Try a different one until you find the right fit. Millions of people have had success with medical intervention; it could work for you as well.

Healing Takes Time


Contact the Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Call: 1-800-273-8255

or chat online: www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org


You can download a free printout of this information by going to our “Free Material” Page and clicking on “Protect Yourself from Suicide (full page)” or for a shorter version: “What Does the Bible Say to do When Life Starts to Crush Us?”.


This series of blog posts titled, “Holding on to Reason”, is named after Amanda’s favorite C.S. Lewis quote: “Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods.”

Click here for more stuff written by Amanda Hovseth.